What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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