So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
