3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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