bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
