Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
