I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
