my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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