C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
