On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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