I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
