he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize