"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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