My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize