He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
