I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
