I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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