You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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