and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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