there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
