Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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