Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
bring money and cleavage
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
