at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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