I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
