I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
