At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
