If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
