My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
