my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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