I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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