I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
