The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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