My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
