Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
