wakey wakey hands off snakey
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
