I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
