that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
