dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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