We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
