I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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