I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
