Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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