dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
