and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize