we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
only if we run a train.
done.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
