This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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