You smell like stripper and shame
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
