Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
