I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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