I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
