You're so nebulous sometimes
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize