please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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