He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
