ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
