We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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