Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
