its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
