True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
