I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
