I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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