I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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