I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
