My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
