she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
