The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
