are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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