I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Boobs are out for the taking
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
