So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
