onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I want a musical about memes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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