I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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