yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
