i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
